THOSE UNSPOKEN WORDS

TUMBLR

2009-12-19T01:40:00.002+08:00

More updates will be on TUMBLR.

Sarikei, here I come!

2009-12-18T05:31:00.005+08:00

Guess where I'm going to spend my next 3 month for practical session?

Hospital Sarikei, Sarawak!

Aihhh. Jauhnya.

Still, can't wait to start my first day. Excited? Sikit. hee :D

Goodbye KL.

Goodbye people.

Goodbye Borneo Rainforest. Ehhh? haha

And Welcomee SARIKEI!

* I'll be off to Kuching 25 Dis, it's chrismas babyyy.

* I think there'll be more updates on my TUMBLR after this ( there mehh, kat tepii ada link I put. hehe ). Feel free to check 'em out.

* oh, i'm gonna miss SHAH ALAM & the girls

( certainly!! ). Miss me keyh.

with love,

mel.

Disember.

2009-12-11T23:05:00.005+08:00

Recently, there's so many unknown numbers calling and sent me texts. It's get even creepier when they sounded upset and marah when I hung up the phone as soon as I knew that they were some unknown guys with some stupid pick-up lines.
Oh, I'm not a kind of person who will fall for such lines and above of all, I'm not interested with those crapppp! I personally feel that it's lame and annoying like very-very much.

Don't blame me for being such meanyyy-bitch. It's not my fault.

Forget that. Last night I had a very bad dream. Tsunami. Yess. Tsunami :(
I remember they were many dead people and I was crying really bad as I saw my brother's dead body being carried away by some unknown people. Everything felt so real. I mean, the victim. Dead bodies. Funeral. My tears. Oh, it's still scares me very much you know as if bad thing will happen in anytime soon.
Ok, it was just a nightmare. Nothing bad will happen. NO. Nothing bad will happen!

Hurm.. :((

Oh. I gotta go now!

Anyway, before that I'd love to wishhh..
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO IZIE, AUNTIE AISYAH, BEB'S DADDY ( 5 DIS )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AFFI ( which is today. Sweet 21 howh! )
and of course MOM. HAPPY UPCOMING BIRTHDAY ( 20 Dis )

Disember oh Disember,
sure so many people celebrating their birthdays on disember.

Azam ehh?

2009-12-08T19:35:00.006+08:00

Azam baruu..

Pakai tudung everytime gi kelas. Kolej. Praktikal? Yess, time praktikal pun!

* I love blogging using TUMBLR but I've made up my mind, BLOGSPOT is my priority. Means more update will be on blogspot. TUMBLR is ok but we can't leave comment. Oh, too bad. Sorry TUMBLR, I betrayed you :(

* Next week I'll be having my final exams. I so hate exam but LOVEEE the study weeks. No class is heaven :D

* My practical ( for 3 month ) will be started on 28 December 2009. End of this year. Tempat? Belum tauuu. Maybe somewhere in SARAWAK. Kuching? Miri? Bintulu? Rajangg? Ngaaa :P

* I miss my longg hairrrr ( I told ya I'm gonna regret it ). Padan mukaaa :(

In loving memory of my long hair.. iskk. iskk :'(

22

2009-12-05T22:11:00.002+08:00

In less than two month, I'll be 22 years old. Yup, twenty-FUCKIN'-two years. Oohhh, I'm getting old. The other day, Nora asked me this bonus question and yeah, she got me thinking.

" we'll be 22 years anytime soon, and what have we accomplished?"

What is a good questionn....

Two.

2009-12-01T05:40:00.002+08:00

Peeps.

I'm having two blogs which obviously will having more updates since I posted it directly through my phone.

ouchh~

2009-11-27T13:22:00.004+08:00

I was googling icanread.tumblr.com and then I saw this..

er..I'd say ouchh.

Thursday.

2009-11-26T13:31:00.007+08:00

++ baru bgun tido after a long deep sweet sleep. ( I slept like 12 hours. Ishh )

++ It's Thursday.. And I don't have class today. Not until Monday. Means I have 4 days to kill and unfortunately no plans were made. For sure malas nak kua.

++ I sooo love SLEEPING. Guess I'll just tido memanjang till Sunday. Aaah. Heaven :))

++ I think I've gained weight. Hurm..

++ I don't feel like texting. Going out. Meeting people. Hanging out. Taking bath. Do laundry ( urghh.. malas ) right now. I just wanted to be alone. Doing thinngs on my ownn.

++ I don't feel like having freakin' loving boyfriend.

++ I hate the feeling when missing someone so badly.

++ Maybe I should start taking seriously about my food intake or I'll loose my shape :P

++ Being in love makes me weak. And seriously fragile. Unfortunately, I am in love. Deeply and stupidly still in love. Gosh. I'll take that as a bad news :(

++ For some unexplained reason, there were butterflies fyling and running trough my veins as I accidently saw his account.

++ I'm not in the good mood.

++ It feels good having a secret site when nobody's knows it existence. Only you and only you. yourself knew it :)

LOVE,
melisa.

pokai :(

2009-11-23T12:22:00.000+08:00

"mak. mintak duit. pokai eyhhh :P"

I don't want to miss you.

2009-11-21T18:08:00.006+08:00

Why. WHY. why and Why

on earth

I still miss you, HUNTER?

oh. I don't want to miss you.

......

Recent Update.

2009-11-19T02:09:00.011+08:00

Still the same old boring days.

Class. Balik rumah, tidoo. Class then again, balik tidoo. Class. Skipping class. Watch pirated DVDs at home. Tido. Tidoo.

at college.

After class. Hey, notice my reflection at the glass. hee :P

Stranger and I are still in touch. Actually, dah lost cntact tp ntah macam mana boleh muncul balik. He texted. I replied ( bila rajin ). Sometimes he did called ( hurm, what a friendly guy ). And then ada satu hari ni, he called. Blabla.bla.. Chit chat. Nothing personal, biasala perbualan biasa. Tanya khabar and suddenly out of the blue, before we ended the conversation ;

Stranger : blabla.bla.. okla, gotta go!

Me : ok.

Stranger : bye. erm. I love you.

* masing2 silent *

Stranger : I gurau jerr. Hahaha ( what a fake laugh. I think he's covering himself )

Me : owh.. ok.

Stranger : bye.

Love? Owh man. Is 'LOVE' word supposed to be that easy? I don't really remember when was the last time I ever said it to someone ( I think the last person was HUNTER ). I don't use that word much though. Kalau 'I LIKE YOU' selalula ucap. Friends. Crush. Ex. Hahaha. Sumala :P
All these times, I choose not to believe that Stranger is actually hitting on me ( since he gave clues. signs n ntah pa2 ). Maybe, he was just being nice, friendly, caring and all. We are friends after all and I'm not intended to cross the line. If I do then, I'm sure it would be just another waste-timing game between two people. When interest gone then it's done. End of story!

I don't want to loose him. As friend of course :)

Tukar cerita..
Along will be going back to Sarawak for hols. Have a nice hols then! I so love it when you are not around in KL. Merdeka oiii. hahaha :))

Along and Nik

Just recently. We went out jalan2. Obviously he wasn't ready for shots. Haha. Spoil muka kau!

Anywayy, I got suprised present from Hamidah. Awwhh. I was so touched~ :'D

She gave me this wonderful scarf. So macam jakun, i tried it onn. I so love it.
Serious, aku prasan aku gipsy jap. haha :))

Abis puas lilit kepala, sekarang lilit leherr. hee.
Thanks howhhh.

Last but not least,

dengan ini secara rasminya saya mengumumkan, I've cut my hair. My precious long hair.. I was bored. xda keja. Potong sendiriii taww. Hamidah tolong sikit rapikan bahagian belakang since I can't twist my body 360 degree. hehe. And I know, I'll regret it in anytime soonnn :P

* xda masa double check grammar and spellingg. Malasssss*

XOXO.

2009-11-01T11:07:00.007+08:00

First and foremost, congratulations to myself. Mellow mood is gone. Lost thinggy and so wutever? Urghhh. Guess being carried away by imbalance emotions yet insecurity feelings were not a good choice after all. And why would I let those soft spots get into me when I actually have another choices and options to not to be disappointed nor hurt in first place. Like - Don't go on something complicated? And ouh, do stop wasting times on unworthy people ( except you were on some dirty games ).

Speaking of complicated, guys always complained me being complicated. Am I? Just because I always being direct and straight with my words, opinions and feelings or maybe because I always makes the first move ( there's nothing wrong with it right? haha ). I know sometimes I can be crazy, unexplainable, ridiculous, emotional and even wild. Unfortunately, before the whole get-to-know real me session was over, they've already made a judgement. I'm such a slut. Urghhh. I don't blame them anyway. My D-cup sometimes do blind people's eyes. And of course, my easy going personality always gives wrong signals. Wrong impressions. Ouh, I don't understand them. Oops. Correction, people always have hard time untuk understand me.

Not suprised! Not suprised!

Trust me, I'm not that easy. And of course, not that complicated ( if you've known me better ). But hey again, why waste times thinking people's negative judgements. Try to change myself into someone I'm not. I believe only worthy people sees the best in people :)

Currently at Shah Alam. At Nora's. Panjangg crita. You wouldn't want to know how I ended up jalan kaki dari Padang Jawa ( stesen ktm ) to Seksyen 7 pukul 9 malam. Did I mentioned it was raining. Dark and I did demam on next day. But I'm not blaming anyone. Everybody seems busy with their on things which it would be inappropriate if tiba2 minta tolong. And plan B seems to be bad since mr. Bear was unreacheable. I can't help thinking he's running away from me. It's not his fault anyway. Guess it's the best thing actually.. nobody would stand for someone like me for long time except precious girlfriends. Those worthy people. And not forgetting, mr. Hunter. He's always been the coolest guy I ever met. Coolest than ice if I'm not mistaken? Haha

Seriously, I got to make things short right now as my brother is on his way fetching me at Nora's. I'm done sneaking out. I'm done lying to him. By the way, he has the right to know where I went on weekends and whose I've been hanging out with. He might be overprotective but I sure don't have right to lie to him in first place even I know I might not having peluang untuk stay over for weekends at Nora's. Anymore.

p/s : pardon for grammatical error. In rush tok!

Lost.

2009-10-24T05:07:00.009+08:00

I'm not proud to admit, I do need someone on my side. To grab my hand whenever I started to loss my direction. Always get my feet sticked on the ground. Comfort me when I get scared. Remind me if I was wrong. Giving support whenever I need them. Keep me company when I get alone.

I'm not that strong. It's human's nature, tend to forget. Tend to get lost. And so do I. I hate being lost. In fact, I am now and Unfortunately, I don't see any hands to grab on.

Till then I'll keep be strong. I will be fine. I know I always do.

Cuti Deepavali Oi!

2009-10-14T13:39:00.004+08:00

Okayyy. why xde org inform me that Masterskill will be having a one week hols next week starting this Friday? Sheeshh. Somehow I feel left out as usually I'm the one yang paling update pasal cuti. Class yg kene cancel dan everything related with 'NO CLASS' n stuffs. Haha :P

Now, what am I going to do selama satu mggu cuti?

For sure, I'm not going to Nora's at Shah Alam. I know the girls are busy with their assignments and upcoming final exams. Takutla mengganggu and menyusahkan. Ouh, it's almost 2 pm. Gotta go. Ade class! Daa C:

Expectation.

2009-10-13T17:37:00.007+08:00

My past do taught me about a lot of things such ; DON'T EVER THINK OF THE WORD EXPECTATION. And don't even dare!

Expectation huh?

It once hurt me and I'm not gonna let it hurt me twice. NO! I don't think I can afford being hurt, anymore. I'm not that strong though. So here I am, with zero expectation and happy ( at least that is how I feel right now ).

I don't expect someone would always be there for me.
I don't expect someone would stay for me. Someone would do things for me.
I don't expect being noticed as I rather being invisible yet being ignored.
I don't expect someone would love me in return neither expect someone would understand me.
Simply because I expect nothing. Not from anyone. Not from anybody, NO! I don't want anything. Expectations give HOPES and DREAMS. And I don't even dare to dreams.

Things are better the way it is ( at least for now ). Guess, there is nothing I wanted to ask for more. It's more than enough. I don't want to burden anyone ( of course, that's the most important thing! ).

p/s : currently unavailable as I seriously need some times, alone. Just on my own.. and ouh, happy birthday to YOU, beruang C:
And SHEILA, sorry for not being there for you :C

Wish.

2009-10-11T06:34:00.004+08:00

Maybe I was a bit selfish. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was my bad. How I wished things will get better between us, friend :C

Enough.

2009-10-09T13:20:00.004+08:00

I don't expect you to treat me like a queen.

Neither being around. Pouring your attentions nor give me sweet words. Infact, I don't fucking care with those.

Everytime we get along together,

you seems to be totally a different person.

Giving cold-shoulder as if you never really wanted me. As if, your life was much better if I'm off from your side.

And what exactly you want me to do? I don't understand. Tell me!

Sorry if I ever annoyed you. Sorry if I always burden you. Sorry if I ever do you wrong.

Sorry!

Still, I don't deserved this shit.

You makes me feel like I'm totally a fucking crap. SAMPAH? TAUK KA SAMPAH? Useless. Now, where's my value? I don't even remember like I ever had one.

What did I do wrong?

I wished I can hate you. I wished I can totally ignore you. I wished I'm Ice Queen.

Unfortunately, I can't and I'm not.

You are like very close to me. You mean a lot. I love you.

How my life would be without you.

Now, how can I possibly HATE you?

I don't want to hate you. I don't hate you. I never do.

But, I had enough friend.

Would You Marry Me?

2009-10-01T22:55:00.007+08:00

My mom suggest me utk BERKAWAN with this guy. A family's friend. OK, I'm sure you guys know what 'berkawan' means to old folks. Geez~
I did met him few times. Not bad! He's a good person. The kind of guy who your parents would love. 25 years old. My brother adore him. My sister seems to betrayed me as she turned to mom's side.
And why I got a feeling that I'll end up marrying pilihan keluarga if I don't get myself a ....er... itu.

Sigh~ (-.-")

Mom, I'll get my own and I'll reconsider yours on 5 tahun akan datang wokie? Itupun if I failed getting my own significant other. And I'm sure he is married by then. Woops.

Anyway,

Family Photo : Not in the pic, Abang Long & Abg Ngah.

Kakak and Amoi

Raya was ok. Ada byk lagi pics p malas nak upload :P

Not only mom, my grandpa ( he even bagi lecture on ciri2 lelaki yg baik and I was like, why so suddenly? Datang ni pun nak raya ) , cousins, aunties keep pooping the same question. Talking about the same issue.

Them : Kakak dah da bf ka?
Me : No.
Them : Tipula kt KL xda.
Me : Whatever.. * and terus concentrate testing cakes and biskut* nyum..nyumm.

*** p/s : dear my dearest family, what is your problem? And why lately issue yang sama keep keluar?

Home Sweet Home.

2009-09-19T15:40:00.003+08:00

While everybody is excited with upcoming raya celebration and having some good times with dearest family, I'm still stuck in here, KL, waiting patiently for my flight off to Sarawak which is on tomorrow, 20 September, Sunday. I must admit, I WAS regret for not tuka my ticket since my hols have being pulled off one week earlier ( stupid college. suka buat changes last minute! ).
These past 6 days were mind-tochering. Bayangkan I did nothing except sleeping like a pig, watching the same movies all over again for the last few days, digging my locker at the middle of the night, hoping to find something to munch. Crackers or junk food maybe.

Urghh. Pathetic!

WAS regret? Yeah I was as right now, I don't feel like going home, anymore. Honestly, instead of having some good times with family, I rather be with my girlfriends or maybe, alone.. Just on my own! And that makes me selfish. I know :S

Still, I have to go back. Home sweet home? Here I come.

p/s : Happy Raya everyone C:

Life must go on.

2009-09-14T06:06:00.009+08:00

GOODBYE past memories. WELCOME present and HELLO future. I'm coming C:

p/s : of course i'll miss them.. SOMETIMES

Truth & Honesty?

2009-09-08T03:41:00.009+08:00

U know, I'm very direct with my words. mind. and feeling. It simply because I'm sucks in telling lies. Really sucks at pretending like it was nothing.

In the other words : I speak them out without really care what will others think nor how they'll cope with it.

People always said, honesty is not always the best policy. Yeah, that is right as sometimes truth is not always a good thing to hear though. Still, I prefer to speak them up.

At the end of the day, some people get scared of me.

See, just because I said you are ugly, doesn't mean you are scary. And if I told you that I love you, doesn't mean that I expect you to love me in return. Do you get the picture I'm drawing here?

No, I don't think you do!

People tend to misunderstand me. Trust me,it's not like what u've think. So, what if I said you are fat ( if it's an undeniable fact )?. Do you expect me to lie?

Or what if I said I have a big crush on you? Don't tell me you run away just because you are afraid I will kejar you sampai dapat? Haha. That is so funny yet immature. First and foremost, I'm not that kind of person. Xde niat lain pun. bgtaw jer as I think they deserve to know C:

Instead of running, why don't you take it easy. Have a deep-grown up conversation if you think it's necessary. ( kira mcm nak say smthing la )

I know, bukan semua orang dapat terima apa yang kita want to say. I must admit, memang my salah pun for being too straight and direct. Sorry! I just can't help it. It's part of my identity. I'm just being me.

And today, I think I've scared someone... Again :P

p/s : I'm not that scary!

Datang dan Pergi.

2009-09-07T21:37:00.008+08:00

Thinking of you?

Gosh. This is so wrong. I know you know it's wrong.

You. Me. US?

I think I like you.

I like you even it's wrong.

I so like you C:

* dah stop cntact ngn STRANGER and JJ. Ntah la. Just friend? Yeah right. Whatever games you guys have planned seems to be so PREDICTABLE yet bored me. So, pardon me. BYE BYE deary 'friends'. hah!

Go with the flow.

2009-09-07T07:04:00.003+08:00

She said

" I'll throw myself away, they're just photos after all"

I can't make u hang around

I can't wash u off my skin

Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out

U won't remember anyway

I can go with the flow

Don't say it doesn't matter ( with the flow )

matter anymore

I can go with the flow ( I can go )

Do u believe it in ur head?

It's so safe to play along

Little soldiers in a row

Falling in and out love

Something sweet to throw away

I want something good to die for

To make it beautiful to live

I want a new mistake

Lose is more than hesitate

Do you believe it in ur head

I can go with the flow

Don't say it doesn't matter ( with the flow )

matter with the flow

I can go with the flow

Sheeshh :C

2009-09-06T22:43:00.007+08:00

How I wished for someone who would really understand..
Can I just cry? Nope, guess I can't :'C

Game Over!

2009-09-06T05:19:00.003+08:00

Easy is BORING.. Game over!

WoOpsiee :P

Tonight.

2009-09-05T14:28:00.008+08:00

Updates..

I gotta a DATE. haha. Ermm. I don't think date would be an exact word. Let's just say, today I'm going out with someone, a friend. For sure it's not STRANGER. Let's name him JJ C:
Well, he's a friend of friend of mine. We've met once and seriously I don't really remember his face. Oops!

Things between STRANGER and I is getting..ermm. good? We are still texting. He did called, sometimes. I think he is funny and he's just being friendly with me. At least that is what I believe though and I don't understand why my friends teased me and said 'good luck'? 'I'm happy for you?'. Now tell me, what's that good luck for? It's not like I'm dating him. Or planning to. Or something special is going on between us. Happy for me? You guys sounded mcm bersyukur sangat2 as at last I'm showing interest in dating someone again and relationship stuff and so what ever. Am I that pathetic? Haha. kitak urg lawak dowhh :))

Well, I'm not thinking of those stuff. At least not from what I'm aware of. Not now! And yeah, you guys are right about me being more open and approachable to a guy friends who's interested of getting know me better. Still that doesn't mean anything. And If anything happened, IF.. it would be another story then. haha. Nora really makes me realise that there is nothing wrong of giving others chances even I'm still unsure of my feeling towards Hunter. Who knows what will happen next. Just go with the flow. As for Hunter, if we were really meant for each other, eventually we'll be together. Someday... Fuck, why must I bring this topic up? Love? Meant for each other? Urghh, I sounds so UNCOOL. haha :P

I remember what Hunter always said to me ; 'Rilek2 sudeyhh". Haha, nice advise. Really! You're so right about that. Wondering how he's doing right now? Hoping your life will be smooth sailing dear C:

One thing for sure, I'm happy for things the way it is. New friends. Friends who are always be there for me. People in my life. HUNTER. My past. Hoping for a better future, SEMESTINYA ;)
Huuu. I'm sleepy. I better get some nap. ZzzZZZ~

Honestly, I'm nervous about tonight. JJ? Ouh.. I don't know :I

New friend?

2009-09-03T12:04:00.004+08:00

I met a stranger..

Dipendekkan cerita, yesterday, on my way back to hostel after one-tiring day at work, van rosak. Betul2 rosak depan sebuah rumah. Sheeshh. Dahla lom minum even time berbuka was an hour ago. Haus dowh..

Then.. jeng jeng jeng..
Datang sorg mamat ni ( actually kita org brenti kt dpn umah die ). Kiut la gak. haha.

Mamat : knape ek?
Me : Van rosak ( obviously, masih pulak nak tanye )
Mamat : Owhh. Nak saye tolong hantar balit?
Me : huh? xpe2.. ( Why should I ikut stranger? )
Mamat : ok. instead of berdiri tp jln, Why dun kite dk dpn rumah saye.
Me : sure.

Then xsmpat nak gi duduk ngn mamat ni, my driver pulak suruh tolak van and me dgn tak malunye - "Jom tolong saye tolak van"
hahaha. Ambik kau! I guess he didn't have a choice kott, die pun tlg skali :P

Mamat : Are u sure xnak saye tlg hantar?
Me : hurmm. Ok kott. ( without hesitation! haha, mmg xmalu )

Well, I don't think die ade niat xbaik. So, ikut jer la. I really appreciate his help, u know. And before keluar kereta,

Mamat : Can I have your number? Nanti da masa bleh la kita keluar ek. Pergi buka puasa ke?
Me : Sure!

He's just being friendly, I guess.. So, why not. Haha. And ouh, he did texted me last night.

All I wanted

2009-08-29T22:35:00.004+08:00

How I wished sexual attraction is not one of the main reason why guys would wanna date me in the first place. Unfortunately, it's above of all. Now, how can I NOT be pessimistic when the intention is obvious?

I know I'm thinking too much yet being UNFAIR. Good nor bad intention, it shouldn't be an issue as everybody deserve chances. Chances to proved themselves. Proved that they are actually worth the time. Most importantly, chances for myself to open up my heart yet let others see and learn the other side of me which have been locked almost all of the times. Who knows what will happen in the future. Happily ever after, maybe?

Phewh, I don't know....
Giving a good start for new budding potential-romance or another blew off just like I always do for these past few years? Or I'm actually too afraid to step ahead. Start a whole new chapter. With some new guy? Geez. I don't know... Anyway, do I really need to do all this?
Giving another try even I'm not sure where it'll lead me in the end?

All I wanted is to be happy. Can anybody make me feel happy? Will I be happy?

Dear Sheila.

2009-08-08T13:04:00.003+08:00

I'm not the kind of person yang mudah sakit. Rasanya jarang kott. But recently, lain pulak jadi. Dlm masa 10 hari, 2 kali demam. I'm now! Batuk jer memanjang. Hingus jgn ckp, nak bernafas pun susah. With H1N1 thing yg menular skrg, sometimes I did feel scared and worried. Tambah lagi I'm working at the clinic, dealing with sick people like everyday..My possibility being affected is high. Not only for H1N1, but other contagious deseases as well. Hopefully my demam n flu tak serious. Ish, mintak2 jauh la smua penyakit.

Urghhh. I hate being sick. I so hate it :C

Dear SHEILA,
I miss you too. I really do, dear C:
I'll be going back home on September and I'm looking foward to see you. Hopefully berkesempatan la howh as I'll be there hanya untuk seminggu lebih. Takut time packed sampai tak sempat :C

Anyway, highlight of the month,
It's time for SHOPPING! Yeaaaa. Ouh, gladiator. clutch. tops. new phone. lalala~

I did and I stopped.

2009-08-06T13:17:00.005+08:00

You know,
I did tried to not to like you anymore.
I did tried to erase you from my memory.
I did went out for dates.
I did throw away your pic under my bed.

But..
Even I have thousand reasons not to like you anymore, I still do.
You still stick on my memory like a poster as it can't be moved.
I end up comparing my dates with you. Wondering why they are not like you. Why they can't made me feel the same way like I felt for you.
And funny, I put everything I thrown back on it place.

I don't understand. What do exactly I want from you.
Another restart for us? NO. Not now.
Your love? I'm not sure.
Am I obsessed? I don't think so.

So,
I stopped myself from trying all those stuffs.
Stopped wondering why I like you so much.
Stopped asking myself, WHY.
I don't want to be greedy nor asking for something more.
I like you. That's it.
I'm happy with everything as the way it is.
And I personally feel that the word friends itself hold more..
Whatever I have now is more than enough. I don't want anything. Not now.

p/s : hari ini saya sangat happy C:

bom bom pow.

2009-07-25T14:56:00.017+08:00

It was Anna's birthday bashhhh C:

the cake : 'happy 20 birthday botten anna. bite less. love, us C:'

birthday girl potong cake. notice her hair. haha

camwhoreeesss! Ouhh. poor cake. mesti kene air liur syaer :P

the girls : wendy. me,myself. anna. moon

greeeennn.

headbangin'. haha. go girls!

the crowdd. againnn :D

aren't we gorgeous? hoho :O

after the party. tired dowhh.

last but not least. hehe

Dear Anna,
do bite less owkayy. haha. And ouh, we love you C:

Yada. Yada.

2009-07-22T13:37:00.003+08:00

Recently, I keep on bugging Mr. Hunter. I texted him. I left miscalls whenever he came acrossed my mind. Instant msges on YM. And yada yadaaa..

Sigh.. Can't I live a day without ever having slightest tought about him?
Or sebenarnya I suffer penyakit suka bugging him whenever i feel like i wanted too :P
I just can't help it you know. There's smthing different and mystery sides bout him which really makes me mok singkap those sides. Instead of I still have hots for him which I cannot denied, I so wanted to learn this guy.

Who are you really?
He seems so simple yet unpredictable. I can't read his moves and even his simplest way of thinking and judge things around. Duhh, sometimes I really felt like I know nothing bout him but suprisingly, I feel comfortable when he's around as if there's nothing I can't say or show to him. Why? But that feeling feels so good you know. The "comfort zone" between us even we had some sejarah cinta lukaa. Syial. Cinta luka? Eeww.. What a word!.

Now, crita lain.
Life at clinic at moment ok la. Even I'm bit dissappointed with certain people. Gosh. They are like matured adult but the mentality? Trust me, you don't wanna know. If I had made any mistakes, tegurla in a good way and I will trima dengan fikiran terbuka. The problem is, small things yang rasanya not considered as mistakes pun dibesar2kan as it was a big issue. What the F.....! But i'm not complaining. Yalah, first, they are more older than me. Second, If I cepat melatah, that would make me no differences with them. I'm wise enough to think this situation in both positive and negative perceptions. And I don't give a damn. Just let them be. Whatever it is, as long as they are happy and most importantly, I know what I'm doing.

Still. I love working at the clinic C:

Ouh, it's late. My one-hour break is about to end in few minutes. So better I balik clinic cepat2 before crita lain klua. Nway. Tomorrow is so gonna be BOM BOM POWW! Aaah. Cant wait C:

Don't worry, nanti I update ape yg BOM BOM tu.

Confused?

2009-07-13T23:45:00.011+08:00

I'm currently in Shah Alam. To be exact, at Noratikah's. Malas nak balik rumah Cheras, so I'll be staying here for few days la. Heee.

It's 1233 am and I seriously need to sleep right now as I have to bangun awal2 esok pagi. Gi klinik. Kerja membanting tulang empat kerat. Somebody bleh tolong ganti my place? Rasa malas jer nak gi kerja esok :P

Nway, here's my latest pic.

Thanx Syaer cz teman me jln2 and sudi menebalkan muka ngaku I kawan U time ambik pic ni wpun kakak yang tengah lipat and susun bra kat sebelah pandang u semacam. Hahaha. Lap U much2 C:

Dear Anonymous,

I think you are right. I'm confused. Nway, sape ek?

retard.

2009-07-07T12:51:00.003+08:00

I seriously feel retarded.
I'm hungry but i don't feel like eating. I want to talk but I end up speechless.
And ouhh. I lost a kilo in 3 days. Goshh. mb sbb xmakan.. I wanted to makan. Really! But my throat seems rejecting it. Maybe it is just a temporary condition.

Hurm. I met Mr. Hunter again.
When he looked at me, I really don't know how should I feel nor say to him. I don't even know how to start our conversation. But deep inside i know I'm glad seeing him again. A guy who I fall really hard for. Wait! Am I still falling for him right now? I don't know and I'm not sure. Sometimes I think I'm still in love with him but at moment, I think I'm over with my feeling..
Haha. mana2 lah. malas nak pikir C:

One thing for sure. I'm still BENGONG right now. wohooo =P

gotta go back to clinic. daaa!

Exercise

2009-06-18T12:49:00.004+08:00

It's been 2nd weeks since I started working at the clinic and tadaaaa.
I've gain weight!

Oh NO! NO! NO!

Sepatutnya, bila dah kerja patut turun la berat. Paling2 pun, maintain kerr. Ishh, ini yang musykil ni. Geez, guess I should start considering about diets and exercise. Uniform pun macam dah sendat sikit and pinggang mula berlipat. Adeh :P

Sahabat sekalian, bila la korg balik Shah Alam? Marila kita ramai2 pergi exercise and goyang2 pinggang di malam hari. I seriously need exercise U know. haha

Penat!

2009-06-11T14:43:00.004+08:00

BUSY. BUSY and BUSY :C

Currently I'm doing my practical at Klinik Anis, Shah Alam ( under management of QUALITAS ). I know ade yg bergumbira kalau dpt taw that i'll be at Shah Alam like almost everyday for 3 month.

Keje best la gak as I really enjoy working with them p penat la. Balik2 umah pun mcm dah xlarat nak buat bnde lain. Skrg pun kt CC, tgh rest so smpat ar gi on9 jap. Check ape yg ptut.

I think I have to go now. Nanti marah pulak org kt sane lm2 rest. Tata.

* i refused buat check-up. Takut. Yg pnting I yakin I xde pa2 :P

I don't want to die.

2009-05-31T02:00:00.006+08:00

When I was a lil girl, my mom always give me the same excuse everytime she went out. Biasala. Budak2 kan suke berkepit ngn mak. Especially if she want to go out for shopping or pgi supermarket.

mom : mak nak klua. Kakak dok rumah jaga adik ok?
me : Tak mahu! Nak ikut ( sambil memberontak and bagi muke kasihan).
mom : mak nak jumpa doktor. If kakak ikut, nanti doktor inject punggung kakak dengan jarum besar ( sambil tunjuk lengan dgn muke bersungguh2 ).
me : hah? Aaaa. xjd la ikut. ( seriously, I memang takut giler when she said that )
mom : Good girl. Nanti balik mak belikan keropok untuk kakak ngn adik.
me : Yeaaaa. ( Bersorak cz happy sangat. Maklumla, mak jarang bagi makan junkfood )

Hahaha. I know I'm stupid. Senang sangat kene tipu. Oleh kerana terlalu selalunya my mom scared me with the doctor thing, akhirnya I grown up menjadi phobia. Doktor gigi. Doktor ubat. Semuala yg berkaitan dgn doktor.

I hate doctor!

And the worst part right now is, I have to see a doctor dalam masa terdekat ni. Hurm... I think I have a skin cancer on my right leg. Actually I'm not sure either but I hit like 9/10 symptoms stated on articles I read from internet. It kinda scared me you know. Geez, dengar word DOCTOR pun I feel like I wanted to cry, apatah lagi pegi check-up, kene ambil darah. Even worst, going through a surgery.

I got a strong instinct that I will get one!

Just imagine, being cut by a knife? What if i died?
Gosh. I feel like FUCK :C

I did tried to ignore and live like there's nothing wrong with my right leg. And I really did it for these past few years. But I know I xbleh selamanya tipu diri sendiri. Okay, maybe I was a bit over react when I jumped with a conclusion that I have a CANCER.

Ishhhhh. Minta dijauhkan la!

Obviously, all I need right now is a medical consultant and check-up. Hurm. For sure, I'm going alone. Malas ar nak bawa teman as they'll only makes me more nervous. And ouh, I haven't inform my parents about this and I planned to do so only when the doctor told me that they need to perform surgery on me.

Oh God! I'm scared. I really do!
But whether I like it or not, I have to.

I don't want to die. Not now...

Update.

2009-05-28T14:52:00.009+08:00

1) I've just finished my fourth paper. Stil have one more to go, tomorrow!

2) Then I'll be free for a week before starting my practical on 8 Jun at QUALITAS ( somewhere at Damansara-Puchong : that's what they had told me ) for 3 months. And ouhh, I'm not going anywhere for holiday. Dok KL jerr. Kat hostel.

3) Currently not in a mood :C

4) 8 Jun jugak keputusan interview kua ( I went for SPA's interview ). Nervous la cikit. Tapi tak harap sangat cz dapat or tak, rasanya will not make any differences.

5) I'm wondering, did Shairul ever tot about me? I did tho. Sometimes. hee. Nway, I miss his cat, Jenny!

6) Mary Jane. Oh, Mary Jane! I miss your charm. And sorry for hating you before. See you when I see you okayyy. Haha =P

Lala.laaa. Happy Holiday!

holiday = bosan ( esp. when your friends are not around.

mungkin sudah tiba masanya for a boyfieee? haha. Maybe next time! )

7) Last but not least, he still appeared in my dreams. Why howh? hurmm. musykill ni! Tapi, malas arr nak pikey. You should be proud for making me like this, you know! Just kidding. Haha :D

Ouch.

2009-05-22T19:35:00.003+08:00

"...mebbe u shud haf a bf to control u tho." - Fiza-

What the..? Are you kidding me? Hahaha. That was fuckin' hillarious! aishhh. haha.
It was a long story and I don't feel like telling what we were texting last night. From boyfriend, life, private stuff to gossips and even small things. Biasala when you hardly seeing your bestfriend, mesti banyak crita nak di catch-up.

Ouhh. I miss you girl!

I know she's worried about me. According to her, I'm getting WILDER these days and she tought only relationship boleh ikat and makes me stick on the ground.
Katanya lagi :
" If u xdkwl kbrgkalian makin rusak itu tinggi. Bahaya tu "
"..u mebbe xprasan perubahan on urself. I'm afraid if u are out of control.."
" u need sm1 to take a gud care of u in order to control ur perangai"

Ouchhh~

Now, she do makes me look like I'm tersasar jauh dan susah untuk diselamatkan lagi. Err. Am i that chronic?
Okayy. I'm not proud of it but I must admit, she is right about boyfriend thinggy. Relationship do locked my feet on the ground. In other words, everytime I were in a relationship, I do behaved well as i listened to him, be loyal and of course, kurang melibatkan diri with other stuff yang memungkinkan si buah hati upset dan kecewa. Chewahhh. babi siott ayattt! haha.
I do like anything for him you know.
And tadaaaa.. I don't have any boyfriend! Should I say lucky or unlucky? Geez, I'm not sure either. hehe =P

Now, to the main issue.
Even having boyfiee do makes me behaved but for someone who's not easilly fall for a guy, apatah lagi be in a relationship, don't you think your idea agak mustahil di situ?

Urm. Anyway, maybe you are right about me getting out of control and everything.. But don't worry too much okay. I might be doing mistakes right now but i know what I'm doing. Trust me.
Even if I might regretted it someday, wishing I'd never do that in the first place, at least I learnt something right?
I know you love and care for me very much. I do appreciate it C:
Thanx tho. Thanx for always reminding me. Your words, advices.. I'll keep that in my mind!

* 'm too old for a boyfiee and no one wants me. Really! haha

So Sick!

2009-05-18T13:54:00.005+08:00

I'm sick of sexual harassment!

Geez. It's like everywhere. In BUS. COLLEGE. At SHOPs. MALLs. And even at the STREETs. Oh, GOD! I still remember, I was only a primary kid when I first encounter sexual harassment by a married guy who's happened to be my mom's friend ( Just go and FUCK your own wife-la mister! ). I was just a lil girl okayyy!

Wondering what will happen to you if I had told my parents. Rasanya maybe my dad will cut off your hairy balls away.
Hurm, I didn't tell anybody about the incident except close friends. Malas nak buat kecoh sebenarnya! After one, then again another one by different mans. Old man? middle age man? Just name it. I do have a long list of those assholes. Then again the same things till today. Sighh~

Pakai baju kurung pun kene jugak. Aishh. Fuck menaaa!

ROCK!

2009-05-08T10:49:00.013+08:00

U GUYS ROCK!

p/s : AMEER. NORA. UCOP and others, sorry cz xde pic korang. hee.

Not Good?

2009-04-04T20:44:00.006+08:00

Honestly speaking, I think I'm still in love with my ex! And that sounds NOT REALLY GOOD to me.

He still appeared in my dreams. My heart beat fast whenever I view his friendster's profile ( actually I'm nervous but at the same time, eager nak tahu updatenya. I'm not suprised if he got a new girl as I always doa for his happiness p for sure, rasa sedih itu tetap ada.) I somehow masih leaving miscalls on his number. It's silly. Geezz p dah macam jadi habit, leaving miscall. Susah nak kikis.

Bad, bad, baddd habit!

Look, the fact is its over. I KNOWW and I accept things for what they are. It's not like I'll wait for him and pakse him to balik then syg me. My rational and realistic mind is still in my head. Hellooo! Infact, I always believe that our fate dah tertulis dalam takdir. If we are meant to be 2gther, adala. If xde, trima jak la. I'm okay with both anyway. What am I trying to say is, what past is passed. There are more things waiting ahead in life and I always looking foward for it. See, I'm moving on!

Sometimes I do feel guilty. We are friends now yet, I still have feeling for him. Geez, I'm sorry.
I don't mean anything and I want nothing! Jauh sekali nak menyusahkan. Really. Just forgive me if my feeling buat you rasa susah and rimas. Sorry howh.

bulu.

2009-02-24T23:38:00.005+08:00

It's been days since I mengalami keguguran bulu mata. Wut the FUCK! If berterusan for the next few days, alamatnya botakla mataku tiada bulu. uwaaaaaa :'0
By the way, I heard satu kepercayaan karut bout it. It says that if ur bulu mata gugur means ada someone out there, missing u separuh mati. Is it? I bet u guys pun pernah dgr bout it. hahaha.
So, if i miss someone separuh mati for my whole life, alamatnya habis la his eye lashes.

Lawak syialllll~ Sapala yang buat crita ni?

Anywayy, can't wait for my trip this weekend. SUNWAY LAGOON, here i come :)

Four itu EMPAT.

2009-02-20T15:59:00.003+08:00

My semester 3's result just out ( I'm in sem 4 right now ) . I never tought of getting 4 flat! Geezz. What a suprisee. Since I'm not doing well for sem 2, so my CGPA is 3.70.

Still, I got 4 flat. wohohoho :)
Guess I have to study harder after this.

* It's been a while since we decided on going our separate ways. Wondering, why i still keep thinking about him. Am I normal? *

Abang.

2009-01-22T18:10:00.004+08:00

Guess who added me on Friendster?
My big bro. OMG, since when you interested in this kind of stuff?
Aiyo, means xdptla letak pic sebarang or else I will kantoi.

Abang oh abang!

Beautiful Tips.

2009-01-18T18:14:00.010+08:00

It's been a while.
Haishh. Mcm biasa, xder idea nak tulis ape. Sorry but I'd love to share some tips on 'How To Get A Beautiful Moustache'. hehe :)

By the way, I'm still on holidays and broke for sure. Aah, poor me. Can't wait for my duit belanja bulan depan. hehe :D

* noratikah, don't forget our date to celebrate our 20 fuckin' 1 years together. I miss u girl..

smiles

2009-01-03T17:56:00.004+08:00

What is really going on? I'm totally clueless..Hurmm. I can't explained why I feel so scared right now. Scared of losing. Againn..

But if losing can bring smiles back on your faces, guess I'll be smiling along. I believed you have your own reason. Come on, you know I always believed in you. Don't worry, I will always be fine. Don't ever hesitated as your life is all that matter.

He Tag Me.

2008-12-27T02:22:00.006+08:00

I've been tagged by Fushii.. So, saya jwb la ni.

1. Do u think u're hot?
They said I am. Errkk.

2. Upload your favourite picture of you!

3. Why do u like that picture?
Aaa. Actually, that's my latest pic. Hoho

4. When was the last time u ate pizza?
Xingat. It's been ages for sure =P

5. The last song u listened to.
Matahari by Agnes Monica.

6. What are you doing beside this?
Urmm. listening to my girls sebelah ni. Chit chatting bout boys, love, alaahhh. girl's talk bah.

7. People u tag :
Seriously, at this very moment xtpkir nak tagging sapa2. Guess today is ur lucky day since i tag nobody.

* since I didnt answer question no.7, so soalan strusnya xplu buat la kan. hehe

tido. tido!

2008-12-21T20:39:00.007+08:00

It's been a while since my last post. Well, I haven't really had chances sitting infront of my lappie, browsing the net, YM, MSN dan segala yg sewaktu dgnnya.

Urm.. Nothing much I can say bout life. Still the same old boring days. Ouh ya, my revision week is just started. Hehe. So means, no classes for the whole 2 weeks. Actually revision week seminggu jak p campur ngn cuti krismas seminggu. Jadi totalnya 2 minggu break before final exam. By the way, i'll be having my final on Jan 5 till Jan 9. Lepas tu, cuti lagik. This time 3 weeks.

Aahh, I just love holidays :)

Just like my other semester's break, I'm not going home. Malas la. Unless la if RAYA. So, i'll be spending my whole holidays di KL sahaja. Bersarang atas katil. Tido sampai buta =D
Speaking of tido. Last nite, I saw him again. I don't know. Lately it seems nya slalu muncul dlm my mimpi. My gosh, wut's exactly is in my head. But seeing his happy smiles ( even it's just a dream), I bet he's doing well and happy. Good for him then. Hope to see you again, in my dreams i mean. Errkk, I sounded silly. I knoww =P

Bah, blurr dahh. Sejak jrg blogging, my vocabs mkin kureng. English pun dah berdebu. Kemahiran berbahasa juga jatuh merundum. So, rasa susah jak nak susun ayat even I have so many things to say. Ngaa :O

I think that's all for today. and ouhh, sorry for the boring post =

Love

2008-12-01T12:55:00.008+08:00

I called my parents just now. Last time we had a phone conversation was err... seriously, I don't remember. But don't get me wrong ok. I do love them and I did tought bout them everyday. Aaaa.. ok la, I lied. Not really everyday =P

But I did TOUGHT ABOUT THEM ok!!

Just like before, our phone conversation did filled with awkward feelings. I don't knowww. Rasa pelik jak. Lagipun, me jarangg kol rumahh. Twice a month kot. Bad daughter? Yeahh, I knoww.
All this time, we're always live apart. I started to tinggal sendiri since I was 12. Hello. I belum akil baligh lagik dah tggal sendiri! Long story, malas nak taip. Then Form 1 till 5, I stayed at hostel. Then I went to matriculation which I wasted my one an a half year for nothing ( That was the best year of my lifee. hohoho ). Then sambung study kat KL.
Kesimpulannya, we don't really had a quality times together.
Guess that explained where did those awkward feelings came from. Sudah terlalu biasa hidup sendiri without them. Ngaaa~

I don't really remember when was the last time I said I loved them. Sorry. Bah, maybe I don't know how to expressed my love but I believed, they knowwws :)
Hey, if someone really loves you. You just know.

My mom's birthday is just around the corner. So do Affi. I wished for their happiness & hope their life will be fulfilled with their dreamss :)

Sorry

2008-11-22T14:19:00.007+08:00

Sometimes, I really don't understand myself. We've agreed to settled the issue but still, it keeps bothering me.

I'm not mad. Really! Yet I keep saying words which possibly will makes u annoyed as if i wanted to started a fight.
I've said it's ok but my brain keep sending weird signals to my body which makes me feel unease as smthing is squeezing my heart really hard. Stupid signals. SAKIT BODO!
I smiled and tried to be positive. Still, I can't stopped those crystal clear waters from filling my sight everytime my mr. FUCKIN' brain started sending those weird signals.

I can't explained why i feel so affected.
Saya rasa sangat kecil hati dan tidak diperdulikan.
Aaaa... nobody will understand cause i don't understand it either.
I think it's my fault. My fault for taking it too seriously sedangkan it was nothing. Sorry for making fuss out of this thingg.

* funny how it do mean a thing to me... U always mean something to me.

SIAL

2008-11-17T22:01:00.004+08:00

Just like what I've expected. My result menurun. Ngaa~ I only managed to score 3.37 for my 2nd sem compare with my 1st sem, 3.80. But overall CGPA for two semester, 3.58. For someone who loved doing other things instead of revising books and notes. Yeahhh, served me right! =P
Bah, don't worry, I sure gonna do better next time. Ok la. I'll put more effort.

Let's talk bout something else then.

Actually I'm not really in a good mood. Long story and malas nak taipp. One thing for sure, saya rasa mahu tampar kepala orangg! Anybody, volunteer?

Last but not least, hp kesayanganku rosak lagii. FUCK! Baru jak ambik dr kedai on last Friday and used it only for 3 days. Now? Terpaksa hanta lagi. Sememangnya SIAL. SIAL. SIAL.

* Thank God I got satu henpon spare.

:)

2008-11-10T19:56:00.003+08:00

I'm counting the days to see u boo. I really can't wait :)

New day.

2008-11-03T12:53:00.008+08:00

holla..

My holiday was fine. Instead of makan durian everyday. Jadi org gaji xbertauliah for my mum. Everything was ok.. err. kott. The best part of course seeing old friends. Haha. And ouh, I met new amazing peoples. Louis, Elif. You guys rock :D

I hope to see them again in the future.

Reunion. don't ask me why I suddenly pakai tudung on that day.

Fiza and her boo, Azra.

Chiela. my girl :)

ahah. Atoi. kekasih gelap gue =P

Hari ini hari Isnin. A new day. New semester ( 3rd sem ) after my one month holiday. What can i say. Excited la sikit. Haha. I even got azam baru. STUDI MENA-MENA! And my last sem's result will be coming out very soon, er, I think so. Hell yeah, my grade menurun ( i'm really sure bout that! ) but still I cant wait for it.

My boo's final weeks just started. Wishing all the best for you, hunn. Er, sorry for kacau you even I know that you have no times nak layan my karenah yg pelik2 ini =P

Bah, do ignore me and focus jak with ur studies as they deserved more attention from you. Good luck aitee~

Blabla. bla~ Guess enuf for today's post. By the way, I got a date with my bro after this and i'm skipping my first day classes for him.

Erk, what happen to the azam baru? Melisa oh Melisaaa~

Bye bye

2008-09-30T01:05:00.005+08:00

Finally.
I'll be going home today.
Got less than 12 hours before i took my flight off to KUCHING.

Tomorrow is Raya.
Still, I don't feel the excitement. Hurmm.

Blablala..I really don't know what else to say.
Ouh ya, both Midah and I agreed to terminate our maxis broadband. Malas nak bayar monthly bills. So starting from today. I will jarang onlinee. Good bye YM. Friendster. Facebook. Blog. I'll update them only when I have masa to do so. Itupun kalau I rajinn. haha.

I better cntinue packing my luggages.
Tata ~

selfish

2008-09-28T03:26:00.008+08:00

i dont feel like i wanted to go home. erkk? I don't knoww.

It's been a year since I haven't balik rumah. Meaning, selama itu juga I haven't seen my family except for my older brother ( he's working here ) and all people I left in Sarawak. Raya will be just in few days and seriously I don't feel the excitement run through my body at all. At first, yeahh. I do wanted to go back home. Celebrate Raya with family. Seeing old friends. Infact, they are waiting for me there.

Can I just stay? Because I really don't mind staying all alone in this empty house for the whole one-month's holidays.

At this very moment. I do feel like I don't need ANYBODY. I don't want to see ANYBODY. Don't get me wrong. I do FUCKING loved them. Family. Friends. Love. Yeahh, I loved them with all my heart. They meant a LOT to me. I do FUCKING missed them. I do wanted to see them. Really! Don't ask me why I felt that way because I FUCKING don't know.

Melisa. Guess you're being wayy too independent. Yet, selfish.

susah

2008-09-26T22:44:00.004+08:00

Today's last paper macam sial. Kantoi habiss. Ngaaa~ that was the worst paper ever i jawab compare to others.

Moral of the story : study well before exam!

I don't know.

2008-09-26T00:49:00.004+08:00

At last. Welcome mr. FRIDAY :)

I can sense the FREEDOM is approaching me. Wuhuu! Ouh, can't wait to finished my last paper, PHARMACOLOGY. The paper will be started at 2.30 pm - 5.00 pm instead of 4.30 pm ( they've changed the schedule on last minute ). Still, I don't see any differences there. Haha. The sooner it started, the sooner it finished. SIMPLE :)
By the way, I did kantoi sikit2 on my previous papers. Ngaa~ Too many chapters to revised in less than 24 hours before exam. Hishh, mana sempat. I only managed to cover few chapters. Some I just tinggal jer. Thank God dulu pernah bukak la sikit2 and it did help a lot. Overall, previous papers were ok. haha. I don't knowww. I target at least B+ for each. Look whose dreaming? Eii, boleh tuu. I'm not that stupid after all. LOL.

FYI, i haven't start my last minute-reading for pharmaco this afternoon. Malasla. Later on I rogol my notes atas meja tu. hoho

After berbuka tadi, I went to my friend's house. Asking bout duit kelas which i haven't paid. Then I joined them watching this TV3's drama, 'Kekasihku Seru'. Well, i'm not a fan of malay drama you know, but I really recommended you guys to watch it. Best oo. Maybe the first few episodes were kinda boring ( like other typical malay drama ), as we go to the climax, the story become more interesting.
So, for those who's dying to kill their times, feel free to watch this drama on tv3's website. It won't let you down. Really ;)

Enough bout drama. Today kan, one one my friend told me that I makin kurus. Am i? Ei, I memang ramping taw. It is just my BULAT-face and ehem..ehemm ( segan nak cakap the ehem..ehemm ) yang buat me look macam fatter and berisi. Infact, my weight is only 54 kg ( for someone who's 162 cm tall, the weight sgt2 sesuai. haha ). Moral of the story, don't judge me by my BULAT appearance. Thanks anyway for puji me makin kurus :D :D

My pimples problem pun making kurang. I think my hormone dah makin stabil kott. But the scars are still tompok2 at my pipi which make my face do look merahh, especially on a hot day. Aishhh. Still, i'm glad it reduced :)

this pic bertujuan utk tunjuk my pimples tp, it kinda blurr. Still, notice my BULAT face.

Midah want her lappie back ( i'm using her's ) so I better stop writing and do my reading. Erm, he'll be coming to KL today. When thinking that he's here. somewhere near outside there really makes me TIDAK KERUAN. I really wanted to see him before he took his flight off to his hometown tomorrow but I know I shouldn't be selfish. After a long way from Penang, he must be tired. Guess the only thing he need on his short time in KL is a good rest.

Is it? I don't knowww :I

Start.

2008-09-22T03:43:00.005+08:00

* my final exam's week just started.
* as for today, I got chemistry at 1.30 pm.
* followed by pharmaceutics, physiology, dispense which will also started at 1.30 pm. Thank God. Meaning : I have a lil time there to do my last-minute reading.
* end up with pharmacology on friday. The paper will start at 4.30 pm. I so gonna be busy for this whole week. Phewwh!

Can't wait for FRIDAY. I better continue my reading. Got tons of facts & formulas to memorized. I just HATE exams. Urgghhh :(

p/s : last-minute students always HATE exams!

My Obsession!

2008-09-19T02:36:00.008+08:00

Gosh, Where did these people comes? Their voices are so damn SEXY. Ouh, I just lovee themmm!

Damian Marley

Stephen Marley

Ziggy Marley

John Legend

Erykah Badu

Apart of having great voice, these people are amazing. Dread lock. Afro's hair. Haha. Saya sememangnya sukaaa mereka !

Light

2008-09-18T20:57:00.006+08:00

Petang tadi, my big bro came by to hantar some foods and sugar cane juice for berbuka. Thanks bro. I love you so much ONLY when you buat benda baik to me. Hahaha. Kidding! Of course I love him. He's my brother after all.
You know what? Time tgh syok2 berbuka, suddenly BLACKOUT. Cehh. Potong stim betul! But still, we all trus makan dalam kegelapan.

I just love the happy smiles on their faces.

Candle light.

Still got 11 days more to go before RAYA celebration. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri guys :)

Far.

2008-09-18T02:02:00.009+08:00

You are far far away. haisshhh :(
If you're not missing me, siaappp. I so gonna gigit your kaki. huh!

* I'm bored already nak miss you. Really! But pity me. My heart won't listened as you already filled all the empty spaces inside. Ngaaa~ Can I stopped missing you for a while? Nanti2 sambung balik. hahaha *

Hamidah.

2008-09-16T20:55:00.003+08:00

Hamidah binti Mohd. Ismail.

Thank you for always be there for me.

You are such a good friend. I'm glad having you by my side.

I heart you so much babe. FRIENDS FOREVER aite.

Hamidah and Melisa :)

Exam

2008-09-15T05:49:00.006+08:00

Nothing much to said.

I dyed my hair black and it costs me almost 20 ringgit to buy the hair color which xda effect lgsung . Thanks to my friend, Mel who recommended me to use henna-base ( inai dowhh ) hair color that only costs me seringgit for a pack ( nyesal xdengar ckp dia awal2 ). I'm good at wasting money. I know. So fuckin' good.

Anyway, I love this jet black hair. It makes me look so, err. Asian? haha.

And ouhh, I'm having my Final exam by next week
( 22 sept - 26 sept ). Not well-prepared? Yeahhh. Like always. But I really want to do better this time ( even I got strong instinct that I will got lower CGPA compare to the previous one ), so SAYA MESTI MERAJINKAN DIRI to do all the reading, tutorial yg tertangguh dan melambak in this very critical one week. Last-minute thinggy? Binggo!
Geez~ You should change MELISA.

I think I really have to go now. My notes are waiting for me to ROGOL sama mereka. Hwahahahaha. Wish me luck.

" He'll be going back to his hometown on September 27. How I wished I could met him before the RAYA celebration. Aishhh~ "

12th of Ramadhan

2008-09-12T19:45:00.018+08:00

Hari ni dah masuk 12 hari berpuasa. I think I'm getting ramping each day ( hope so ). Yeaaa. By the way, today was my turn to prepare meals for dinner & berbuka.
So, menu for today :

Udang masak sos. Nyummyy =P

Sawi dimasak dgn sos tiram.

After habis masak, my housemates pulak ambik turn. Buat kuih. Hehehe. I'm glad having housemates yang handal memasak. Slain dapat makan dgn gembira, dpt jugak blaja beberapa resepi and indirectly, mempertajamkan lagi my cooking skills :)

Kak Mus ( with kain batik ) tgh adun tepung. Calela tlg tengok.

Kak My preparing the inti for kuih. Notice Mimi Otai tgh cuci kain.

Tadaaa. Kuih Lenggang. Ready to eat :)

Ouh ya, just before berbuka, I got a phone call from my dad. Asking about my flight( 30 sept. ) cz nanti senang dia nak ambik. He even pesan me to call him a day before I terbang balik Sarawak. Ouhh. I'm missing home. Friends. People in Sarawak. Before I hung up, my dad sempat told me that he bought me a new phone. Waaa. Thank you bos! And now, I really can't wait to go back. Balik for RAYA & for sure, HP baru :)

I Love it. Thank you. Now i'm having the same phone as my boo's. Nice pick dad :)

Mom's Bless

2008-09-10T17:21:00.006+08:00

You have no idea how I felt everytime we met.
And last night, I saw you were meeting my mom. Seems she gave us her bless. Funny dream? Yeah, indeed it was :D

Right now, I can feel the positive side of mine engulfing all the negative and bad things which clouding my previous days. Aah, feel much better. Really.

I know I should keep it up. For sure, I will.

Vulnerable.

2008-09-09T16:05:00.008+08:00

I have thousand reasons to smile.
Countless more, to laugh.
But here I am, crying like a lil girl.
My mind seems lost on it's own beat.
No words can describe. Neither languages can explained.
It is just happened. Vulnerability.

By the way,

* I'm getting sick & tired of hypocrytes. Can i say FUCK you all? Guess I can't. *

* Friends, what are you?

Sometimes I do feel that I don't even know them at all.

Did i done smthing that hurts because that is how i felt ( sometimes ). Can I really rely on them? I fucking don't know. *

* Wished there is someone can hold me right now. Being vulnerable SUCKS *

* Guess I'm not GOOD enough to keep everything on track. hurm *

Dear Boo.

2008-09-09T01:01:00.005+08:00

For sure, I FUCKING miss my boo.

Do pardon me for being emotional.

And guys, those weird feeling called love really drives you crazy sometimes. Trust me.

Hurm. How i wished you were here right now. Sigh~

Oh God, long distance always & will always SUCKS :(

Masturbation.

2008-09-07T20:12:00.004+08:00

Hari ini merupakan hari ketujuh kita berpuasa. Teruskan ibadah anda. May all of us mendapat keberkatan sempena bulan Ramadhan :)

Guess what. Just before masuk waktu berbuka, I saw a man sitting under a tree sedang MASTURBATION. Actually my housemate was the one who saw him first. She was standing by the window, menikmati pemandangan petang and suddenly ternampak a guy, tgh concentrate bawah pokok. He was holding his 'thing' and you know la kann apa dorg buat. Guys, marturbatee. err. For sure, dia tgh syok sorang2.

Nafsu oh nafsu. hurmm.

Anyway,

I miss my long hairr :(

And skrg, my mision is nak panjangkan balik rambut.

Losing?

2008-09-06T18:52:00.007+08:00

Kata orang, kita tidak akan sedar apa yang miliki sehinggalah kita kehilangannya.

Is it?

I used to lost someone who meant a lot to me. And trust me, seeing him walking away from me really cut me into pieces. I cried. I blame myself for not being good enough while we were together. I regret for knowing him. I cursed myself for falling for him.

Silly. Yeahh. Silly lil girl.

But life is all about choices.

You can choose to cry over your frustration & sorrow.

Or you can choose to smile even everybody has turned their back on you.

You can choose to win nor loose.

Basically, it's up to ourselves on how we wanted things to be.

Instead of being drawn by my own negative feelings, I choose to stand, fight and smiled. Even it is really hard at the beginning ( i mean to overcome all the anger, frustration, dissappointment which covered my soul ), slowly I learnt to keep away those imbalance emotions from messing up with my rationality. Being positive feels so fucking gooooodddd.

What past is passed. For sure, it really teached me a lot. I learnt my lessons. Thank you. No matter what had happened yesterday or what will going to be happen tommorow, good or bad, we should always keep our positive mind & rationality on track. Negative thinggy will only affect your life anyway. We have grown up after all. Grown up means your brain is already functioning well.

Are yours is?

Today, seems everything in my life falls into the right place. I have almost everything. Good life. Loving friends. Precious family. Cool boyfriend. Even my life is not 100% perfect ( will never be one ), still i'm proud to say, i have almost everything. Sometimes I do feel afraid.

What if I lost it?

Geez, guess i'm not positive enough to stop my brain from thinking those negative toughts. But I won't let those messing with my harmony-brain.

To be honest, I really don't know what's exactly I'm trying to sampaikan dalam post ini. At the beginning, I was babling about losing and how it affected me. Then, here it come on how we should be positive and all those sort of things and then, I mentioned about myself being afraid of losing 'my everything'. Ngaaaa~ :(

Another random post I guess.

Hurm, I miss my boo. Wondering, did he missed me too?

Merdeka & 1st of Ramadhan.

2008-09-02T11:59:00.027+08:00

How was your Merdeka celebration? Mine was phewhhh. Fucking tiringgg.

While everybody was busy celebrating their Merdeka day including my friends ( They celebrating it in ALOHA club. But not all of them as some went to see the fireworks. Still friendsssss, i'm jealous! Wished i was there joining the party. Hahaha ), guess what I've been doing for the whole day of 31 August? I was in store room. Checking the stock! Confused? Yeahh, I was doing my part-time at my friend's shop. ( actually she's the branch manager there. ) By the way, her name is SIM.

31 August : around 9.40 am. Waiting for Sim to fetch us up.

before kerja kita breakfast duluu. By the way, meet SIM :)

Infact, not really a whole day as we finished calculating and checking the stock at 7 am in the morning of the next day ( 1 September : the first day of Ramadhan and for sure SAYA PUASA on that day ). Itu pun in the morning kami maseh at the shop waiting a call from Head Quarters to conformed the the stock-checking. We only managed to go back around 11 am. Can you imagined how exhausted we were?

Well i'm not alone as Midah was there too. Giving a helping hand to our dearest friend. It's not the first time we doing our part-time there as back on last 3 weeks holiday in January ( if i'm not mistaken ), both of us buat part-time kat situ. Saja cari side income instead of wasting our time doing nothing at hostel. Plus, Sim is a good bos. She treat both me and Midah very well. We even become a good friends you know :)

The whole part-time thinggy was not in my plan of celebrating my Merdeka and first day of Ramadhan. But when Sim asked for our help, somehow I couldn't resist it. Tambah pulak, she's pregnant and kerja stock-checking is not easy. Guess that is what a friend for right?

stock dlm stor. This is how we do it ; Kira satu2 ikut jenis brg. jenama. perasa and then make a rekod. We finished checking the stock in stor around 9.40 pm at night.

After the stor, we have to check & kira brg dlm kedai. Byk tuuu. In pic, Midah tgh kira junk food.

I was incharged to check brg in this site. ALL of it, ONE BY ONE !

Sim yang tekun.

almost midnight. Fucking tired dude!

By the way, we are not the only people whose doing the job. They were also Nizam, Kak Nadia, Juli ( maybe it's a girl name but he's a guy ok! ) and not forgeting, Kak Shida.

Early in the morning. I was looking the best spot to rehat. So i tarik pampers dekat rak. Buat tilam and i invited Midah to join me baring2 before sambung kerja. haha.

Look whose joining us membaringkan diri dekat pampers? Nizam. He's only 16 but he don't look like 16.

At last, we finished our job. It was 7 am in the morning ( 1 september ). Hoorayy. Then we lepak dekat timbunan beg berass. Waiting for a call from HQ to give a green light utk balik :D

Me & Nizam sitting dekat tpt beras. Can you imagined three of us sleeping there? infact we were. Ngantok siottt. We all tertido sambil menunggu HQ call. Sim tertido dekat kaunter.

I made nizam a tattoo. Sexy bitch having herself a good time at the beach. haha. Midah already asleep at this time.

This is how I look before I fall asleep at rice's bag. We only managed to go back around 11 am.

Since it took more than 24 hours to finished the job, me and Midah stayed at Sim's house for a night. It's 2 night actually as we tought it would be nice if we lepak dulu at her house for one night. Hahaha. She don't mind it anyway. Hahaha. Thanks for the stay and also belanja makan breakfast, lunch, dinner and sahur. ( Can't wait for this Friday, she want to blanja us KFC for berbuka. Waaawawa ) Sim we love you and we know that you love us too :D

As soon we arrived at Sim's apartment, Nizam, midah and me trus serbu the sofa. hoho

First thing I did when we arrived home( this morning around 9 am ) was checking my e-mail. Friendster. Facebook and also new updates from my friend's blogs ( Anna Orton, your blog always be the first. I Enjoyed reading it ). For sure, I got so many comments from friends on friendster. Thanks guys :)

And ouh, I would love to wish Happy Ramadhan. Let us together merampingkan diri :D

Jalan2.

2008-08-28T20:39:00.012+08:00

Good day everybody :)

Well today, I went out to JUSCO with Melisa ( we both share the same name. ehee ) and Midah. We were having so much fun. Jalan here. Jalan there. Beli this. Beli that. hoho. Guess girls memang loveee shopping. Thank God I didn't overspend today. But still, I have to control my budget and expenses ( I spend too much before, so terpaksala, control after this. Duhh~ ).

And ouhh, today I skipped class. Againnn. Langsung tak turun. Ngaaa :(

Don't blame me. Do blame the katil and bantal. And also the weather yang sejuk dan dingin di pagi hariii ( syok gilerr tido time tu ).

heels. oh heels :)

nobody tolong took our pic. So, we posing depan cermin la.

midah and melisa.

another melisa with midah.

haha. Me and mirror. ( dlm toilet, waiting for midah yg busy wit her nature call.)

ahaha. I just loveee taking pictures.

white is PURE :D

toilet next top model~ by the way, notice her new sexy heels. I likeee tp she wear size 5. Mine 7. So, xdapatla pinjam :(

Oh ya, sempena merdeka, I'd love to wish you all Happy Independence Day yang ke.. err. jap, me kira dulu. Ouhh, yang ke 51. Merdeka means no class. No classes means cuti and cuti? hahaha. Means masa untuk pengsan di katil. I loveee Holiday :)))

Err, ada sesiapa sudi took me bercuti di Penang? Hoho :-P

Shopping dan Hujan.

2008-08-27T23:22:00.006+08:00

It's been few days since hari asyik hujann. Bosan seyhh. And ouhh, regarding misi tak nak ponteng klas, well, urmmm. Me ponteng lagii. Ngaa~ =O
Tapi, pasni tak buat lagii. Betull. Er, I will try :D

Today, after the class over, I went to MINES Shopping Fair. Alone. Yupp, I went there alonee. I don't know, rasa nak sangat pergi. So, dengan sekaki payungg, me just redah jer hujann and took a bus to the MINES.
Lepas puas jalan2. Around 8.30 pm, I went back. And guess what, it was still raining. Without any choice, berhujan la me balik. Nasib baik ada payung but still, my baju basahh :(
I arrived home around 9.15 pm. Ouh ya, forget to tell, I bought myself a black cardigan ( pic : notice my new cardigan. hoho ) back in MINES and few things which I don't think need to be mentioned.
Dan seperti yang dijangkakan, I OVERSPEND. Duhh~
Guess next time I have to control ckit my budget. fuhh.

I just lovee shoppingg. Can somebody HELP?

Whoaa. It's almost 12 midnight. I should go to bed now as tomorrow I got class at 7.30 am and i'm not planning to pontengg. To ensure me bangun, good night sleep is a must.
Before I forgot, dear friendss, my handphone rosak! And that explained why I'll be unavailable for a while. Till then. buh byee :)

p/s : I think I started to mish him. Er. Am i? With no phone. And we jarang on9, how can I reached u? Duhhh~

People.

2008-08-24T20:18:00.011+08:00

Weekend was funnn and fuckin tiring too ( I didn't get enuf sleep and trust me, you guys wouldn't wanna knoww. haha ) . Still, I enjoyed my weekend. Really! hoho :D
Well, I met a lot of new and crazy people ( u guys are awesome! ). Friends and not forgetting, my preciousss, mr. hunter. weeweweee :D :D

Ikhwan & midah. We were waiting for Ikhwan's lunch. Look at his hunger face. Haha.

Mel and Tikah. Thanx girlfriend for teman me menunggu.

I can't sleep so i waited patiently at the windoww. Watching the sunrisee sambil kacau org tdo. Sorry bos! :D

Guess who I've found at Kay's bed? Ninja with sexy posee. haha

Daus and Mel compete for the same guy ( center ). Affi, pilihh la sayaaaa! I promise I'll be good.

Look who's joining us for lunch? Midah and Ikhwan againnn.

Bring me along to Penanggg. Saya mahuu ekottttt. wuwuwuwu :(

Enough bout weekend ( For sure, I enjoyed it very muchh ), it's tomorrow which I should concentrating on. Classes. Homeworks. Set in mind melisaa, NO MORE ESCAPE!
Yaa. yaaa. yaaa. I'll tryy. Saya akan berusaha untuk tidak ponteng :D

Monday. Here I come ( walaupun saya sangat dan tersangatt malasss ) !!

Bila Malas.

2008-08-22T15:19:00.007+08:00

Lately, aku semakin malasss. Malah, kemalasan itu semakin menjadi2. Kelas pun dah jarang turunn. And today, once again, i skipped classes for the whole dayyy. Ngaaa~ =0
Oh, tidakkk! MALAS itu mesti di buanggg. So, next week and seterusnyaaa, TIDAK BOLEH PONTENG!

I'll be having final exam on third week of September and for sure, I haven't prepared. MALAS seyhhhhh~ tersangat la malas! apuhhhh, mati kita. Lepas final, cutiii. hehe :D
I've booked my ticket and I'll be going home by 30 Sept.
Balik KL : 1 Nov. Aawhh. I miss Sarawak. My parents. cousinss. friendss. Can't wait to see them.

And for sure, bila dah balik, I will be missing mr. hunter even moree. Infact, I always miss him. I always will. I always do :]

aku yang sedang bermalas-malas.

Finally.

2008-08-18T16:02:00.007+08:00

After everything that we've been through,

Finally, mr. hunter.

And for sure, this time we'll take it slow :]

Butterflies.

2008-08-14T22:25:00.006+08:00

For me, that the hardest part in writing was the introduction. It took me more than half an hour just to find the right words. Duh~

And for sure, there are no words can describe how I feel right now. Haha.

Now, let these pictures tell you then :)

By the way, I'm glad you feel the same mr. hunter :]

Another Random Post.

2008-08-13T23:20:00.010+08:00

To be frank, I really don't know what to post. Blur. Blur and I'm so blurrr.
Ouh ya, yesterday I bought myself a digital camera. Oh myyy, I always wanted to have my own digital cam since a decade ago. Just kidding. Hahaha. Not really a decade lol.

Nikon Coolpix S210 : mine is the pink one :)

Well, I spent a lot on it. waaaaa ':o
WITH MY OWN MONEY! ( actually with my PTPTN money. hoho ). If my mom knows bout it, I'm sure she'll upset because for her, it is such a wasted but NOT FOR ME, for sure. By the way, I always loved photographing :) So, I didn't tell her bout my cam. At least not now. Nanti laa.

Guys, membazirkah me beli this cam?

I was testing the cam. So, here's the first pic.

2nd pic : Midah jadi model :D

Sebut pasal PTPTN, yesterday ( Tuesday, 12 August 2008 ) got RUSUHAN at my college by it own studentss. Yes, you heard me. Rusuhan! Kecoh ooOoo~ Adakah patut, dalam banyak2 duit loan tu, certain student only got RM 10 as jumlah bersih ( selepas dipotong dgn yuran, etc. ). Yang paling kasihan, ada yang dapat RM 5. So, they really pissed off dan maka, terjadilah rusuhan. Unfortunately, I missed the event as semalam I skipped classes for the whole day ( langsung tak turun kolej. Bad student! I knowww. ) And ouhh. Kejadian tersebut even dapat liputan dari TV3 and other stesen tv yg lain. Masuk BULETIN UTAMA ooOo.

Congratulation Masterskill. You are such a superstarr. * clap. clap *

It's already 12.15 am. I think I should take a bath now before it's getting latee. hoho. By the way, tomorrow I got TEST 2 for PHARMACEUTICS. Wish me luck :D

meet mr. hunter

I heart this person so much :]

Gone by Tomorrow.

2008-08-11T00:33:00.003+08:00

Seriously, I feel dizzy right now. Everything I saw seems to spin around, upside down as it wanted to crush upon me. Aah. I hate this feeling. My head is heavy but still, I gathered all my strength and sit back on the chair, infront of my lappie and start my writing.

Ouh. I have never been this happier. I don't knoww. Did you know that you really make me happy mr. hunter? and the funny thing is, now I can't stop smiling. Thank youu ( I know you've already bored hearing me saying thanks as i've said it more than million times. haha. )

If tomorrow I'm gone, I would love you to know that you mean a lot to me. I heart you so much. How I wished I could say it loudly and straightly to you when we were on the phone but I was too afraid. What if i scarred you? Hurm. I do scarred people sometimes. I knoww.

Damn. My headache is killing me. I think I got myself a fever. Guess that explained why I sounded like I'm going to be dead by tommoroww. By the way, I've never heard people got killed because of fever. For sure, SAYA TENGAH MERAPUU.
Wondering, what will you say if I'm gone by tomorrow?

P/s : If I'm gone, I'll bring along my phone so you can contact me :)

I Love and I Care.

2008-08-08T23:04:00.007+08:00

In life. Nothing is forever.
Love. Relationship. Life. Youth. Beauty. Luxury. Except two things :
* Love to Allah s.w.t
* and of course, FRIENDSHIP ( for me. yesss. it's forever :D ). Once a friend always a friend.

For sure, I'm not a 'ALIM' person. I do a lot of things which are prohibited by Islam.
I love my social life. I talk, blend and communicate with people. I don't see any differences between woman and man so I treat them equally without following landasan yang telah ditetapkan dalam pergaulan.
I don't tutup my aurat. No tudung. No long sleeves which covered my bare skin. Maybe I'm not a perfect muslimahh tapi keyakinanku hanya pada ALLAH s.w.t. I must admit that I've got so many things to learn. Yet, so many things to change.

Ouhh. I got so many things to say and tell but I don't even know where or how to start it. Hurmm. Forget about me.

Lately seems everybody surround me having problems. By the way, If you guys need someone to talk too, I will always be there. Maybe there is nothing I can do much to help but I can always be a good listener.
* to Tikah, hope everything went well even it seems that everything is messed up.
* to Abg Joo, be strong aite. Always remember that a rainbow always come after the rain and things happenned for a reason. Keep the positive mind as you'll need it.
* to Chiela, I believe you have your own reason babe. Nobody's know what will happen tommorroww but I know you can handle it and the most important thing is you know what are you doing.
* to NYA. Sorry if owg lebih2. But don't worry, in our situation, I always look at the bright sidee. I'm cool darling. hoho :) tp giney2 kan, owg hope all the best for nya in no matter what you do. TAKE CARE. TAKE CARE and TAKE CARE. Do take care of yourself as ya jak owg mok nektok.

Aku Menginginkan Nya.

2008-08-05T20:54:00.015+08:00

It's crazy how i fall for him all over againnn.

It's really crazy how i hate him for making me feel this way.

And it's sure DAMN crazy when i realised that

no matter how much it hurts, STILL, I WANT IT!

How I wished we could be together.

Guess, i'm asking too much. Am i?

If u really want me, Do fight for me.

Do fight like I always willing to fight for you.

yeah. I always willing to fight for us.

But are you willing to do the same love?

Weird & Mystery

2008-07-23T22:46:00.007+08:00

hola. I'm lazy so i'll just make it brief :)

Well, it's been few days since i'm having weird dreamss. I don't know. Those odd images that have been swimming through my unconcious mind lately really caused me to wake up confused. And ouh, last night my ex was one of it. Funny? haha. yeahh. I'm funny.
I remember the last time he showed up in my dream was last week. haha. OK. NOW i'm the funniest people on earth! Why? simply because I keep dreaming about my ex.
But last night was not all about him. Meaning, I have other dreamssss and it mixed up with each others. Weird and mysterious. Yeah, it's all I can say bout my dreams. Erm, Enough about it.

As for today :-
* Ada spot-check and I kene tangkap. Againnn! Reason? Rambut kalerrr and xder ID. haha. For your info, Id yg dulu saya blom tuntut kat Student Affair. So, kantoi la sekali lagi. Nasib baik kene warning jer ( yg buat spot-check bukan dasuki or salimah. kalau dorg, habislaa kene tgkp dan ceramah. Alhamdulillah saya terlepas hari ni. wahaha ). Planning nak tuntut esok. And esok i'll be wearing tudung. Maybe pasni akan sntiasa pakai tudung g klass kott. Why? sbb sy malas nak kaler balik rmbut jd hitam and saya dah bosan and fed-up kene tgkp bhgian disiplin.
* What else huh? Ouhh. I'm lazy. haha. Next week I got Mid semester exam and I haven't prepared. Another last-minute thinggy? Oh, not againnn :(

Help. I'm super duper lazyyyyy~

Kusut.

2008-07-22T00:48:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang,
inginku lari,
hilang dari pandangan,
lepas dari tanggungjawab,
dan lenyap.
namun,
akal mengatasi hati,
kewarasan mendahului kebodohan,
walau berat bebanan,
kusut fikiran,
sakit kurasakan,
masih di sini,
aku.

Kadang-kadang,
Inginku sembunyi,
berhenti dan menangis,
kenyataan,
aku cuma perempuan biasa,
walau seutuh dan seteguh menempuhi dunia,
zahir,
kelembutan tetap ada,
menghiasi hati,
mewarnai jiwa yang mudah terusik.

Kadang-kadang,
inginku ulang dunia lampau,
memadam dosa,
mengatur langkah baru,
namun realiti,
hidup bukan sempurna,
kenyataan harus diterima,
sesalan bukan penyelesaian,
kerana kesilapan mendewasakan.

Kadang-kadang,
Inginku rebah,
kaku, tidak bernafas,
perjalanan panjang penuh dugaan,
meletihkan,
aku lemas,
kekalahan bukan kemahuan,
biar terluka dan payah,
tetap aku bangkit,
terus berlari menuju ke depan,
menyingkap rahsia masa hadapan.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

everytime my mind kusut, i always loved to go to the playground you know. Sitting alone, dekat buaian, melapangkan minda. swinginggg. weee :)
Obviously, I'm not in a good mindset right now. With so many things filled up my empty heads, it's really driving me crazy. Ouhh, i wished Mr. Good Friend was here. I just wanted to be infected by his contagious-positive mind.
i bet he's sleepin now as it's 3.06 am in the morning. I know I shouldn't kacau him. He got his own thingss to take care off anyway. Yaaa. Melisa jgn kacau org!

Running and taking care of everything all by myself is really tiring.
my head is heavy.
my soul is empty.
ouh how i wished there's someone who i can lean on and share everything.

NO. I shouldn't depend on others. I knowww. As long as I still can handle it, i shouldn't depend on others. I must Keep fighting. Keep running!

Maybe i'm not perfect but I won't lose to my own imperfection. NO!

I saw you.

2008-07-19T15:31:00.009+08:00

Last night, I saw him again.

It is funny how I keep dreaming about my ex and last night, I saw him again.
He was there. Sitting with his bestfriends, just not far from my house. And when i tried to reached him, he walked away. Leaving his friends behind. I was confused. Why? When his friend told me to go after him, somehow I know that I shouldn't just stand there and doing nothing. Without hesitate, I ran and went after him. I called his name few times but he keep on walking. I ran and ran. But as he stopped and turned his head, I woke up.

It doesn't make any sense at all. Why? The same question I asked to myself. Did I just missed him? Hurm. Am i?
By the way, I believed he's happily moved on and I wished everything run smoothly for them. Really :)
As for me, haha. Boyfriend is the last thing that I need right now. It is not that I don't want one, I would love too but not now. I believed right time, right moment, right man will come. Maybe he's someone that I already knew nor someone new? Or maybe the same person? I don't know but time will tell :)

As for right now, i'm enjoying every single moment of my life.
Hahaha. AAhh. I love my life :D

p/s : lupa nak bgtau, saya xjadi putuskan my maxis broadband. so kesimpulannya, setiap hari on9. wahahahahah.

Random Post.

2008-07-15T15:51:00.006+08:00

" Unless your hair is black or there is no where you can get your id back. AS SIMPLE AS THAT! "
Ouhh my Dasuki darling. You are so mean.

Hola.
Hari ini sy sgt malasss. so i'll jus make it brief and dlm bahasa rojak. Yesterday, I went to Student Affair, with my new hair ( i CUT my sexy long hair. oops. not sexy but MESSY. haha ) tp sy xpakai tudung seperti yg dirancangkan. Malas arr nak hipokrit. Cover2 rambut merah. Cukup la dgn rambut yg sudah dikorbankann ( innalillah ). Ingtkan dorg bagi balik, tp masok jer dlm pejabat dh kene sound.

"RAMBUT APASAL MERAH?"

Alaa. leceh laa~ saya kan moden. hahahaha. moden kepala hotak! cis, tp saya sedih cz xdpt mbik balik id. huhu :(
Oleh kerana saya xnak kaler rmbut perang kemerahan ini kepada hitam ( sayangg oo. lgpun skrg tgh pokai nak beli dye hitam. haha ), so kesimpulannya saya akan pakai tudunggg ( utk sehari jer. wakaka ) demi utk memperlihatkan kewarakan saya. Betuulll~ saya tipu! ahahaha. Xderla. pakai tudung ( cover rmbut beb ) cz nak mbik balik id jer. hoho.
* ahernya tpaksa jadi hipokrit jugakk *

pasal rmbut baru? haha. Bila 1st kengkawan tengok, suma bagi soalan bonus " knape potong? ".
Malas nak explain pjg2, saya bg jer jawapan artis " NO KOMEN! ". haha. Sebetulnya, saya sgt rimas berambut pjg. Memangla dgn rambut pjg nmpk lebih perempuan, ayu ( err. kottt? ), dan cantek ( ye ker? xtahuu. haha ) tp saya memang dah tak tahan lagi!
So saya POTONG. POTONG DAN POTONG. xper, nanti pjg balik kannn. hehe. Bye the way, muka saya nampak macam kuih pau dgn potongn rambut ala2 Rihanna. haha. xderla mcm Rihanna. tp yg pasti, ketembaman pipi saya terserlah ( lepas ni mesti Aiman akan slalu cubit pipi saya. cis. Ingat saya roti ker? )

before i forgot, today is the last day maxis broadband saya. Saya dan Midah masing2 dah malas nak pegi bayar bil bulan2 and tambahn pulak, kami jrg dah main tenet. Kan bazir byr tiap2 bulan tp jrg pakai. So, lepas nie JARANG ON9. sori guys.

bye2 internet!
sekian sahaja kerana saya sangat MALAS.

Unlucky Thursday.

2008-07-11T22:33:00.058+08:00

Yesterday. Oh Yesterday. Was my unlucky day!

In Masterskill, Final Exam only hold 40% of overall marks. Another 60% was from Test 1, Mid-Semester and Test 2 in which each carried 20% of marks. All the four tests & exams will be total up and calculated with credit hours to get the CGPA, in other words, student's final result for that semester.

The unlucky day started when i got caught by Encik Dasuki ( he is one of the the Discipline Board's members. If i am not mistaken )

I was heading to the sofa in front of exam hall ( i was in the rush. Really! ), and I accidently ran into Encik Dasuki. At first, i didn't noticed that it was him. All I know was we both were blocking each other. But the moment I saw his face, it was too late. I am dead!
With messy and coloured hair. Four funky earings ( more than a pair is prohibited ) and not forgetting, not wearing socks. Obviously I was not in a neatly well-uniform ( but he didn't noticed my sockless feet. Thank God! )
According to the rules, if your hair is passing your shoulder, it should be neatly tied in a net-bun shape. Coloured hair is a BIG NO dear. To make it short, my honey Encik Dasuki took my id card.

sigh~ what an unlucky day.

In order to get my id back, I have to go to Student Affair and pay few Ringgits ( I hope it's not more than RM10 ) as a fine. But before that, being in a neatly well-uniform is a must. No more sexy-messy-coloured hair or those funky earings or else they won't give my id back and of course, another fine for me. By the way, I'm planning to claim my id back by this monday and instead of recoloured my hair black ( well, reddish brown suits me. hehe ), I will be wearing scarf a.k.a TUDUNG. Aah. I am so plastic. haha
Enough bout id card. As soon as i sat at the sofa I took my notes and tried to finished reading it. Did i mentioned that i got Test 1 exam? Yeap. Test 1 dude and i haven't finished reading my notes. And the worst part was i am running out of time as i only got less an hours before the exam started. Duhh~
It won't take a long time before i realised that I lost my pencil case. DAMN. I left it in the bus. Yeah, in the bus. First my id and now, my pencil case. Oh God!
Why now? However, I can't let those things distract my mind. Whether I like it or not, I must concentrate and finished my notes. Unfortunately, I'm unable to finished my notes. Another last-minute study? Yeahh. Indeed it was.

Bad student! i knoww..

Without my pencil case, I entered the exam hall. But my unlucky day didn't stopped there. Just before the exam started, my phone was missing. Like a crazy woman, I searched my pockets. I even went out from the exam hall ( Thank God the exam haven't started ) and searched at the sofa but it was not there. I almost shed my tears you know. However with so many people outside the exam hall, looking at me with a weird expression, I tried not to cry. Oh please! I don't want to cry.
Suddenly, I heard my friend was calling for me and guess what? He was holding my phone. Actually, I didn't lost it. While I was busy with my notes, my other friend, Eddie took my phone without me realising it. I know he was just kidding but wrong time Eddie!
Arghh. damnnn! By the way, the exam was ok eventough I skipped and 'tembak-tembak' on few questions. haha.

Phewwhh. I couldn't imagined myself, crying infront of exam hall. SILLY!

I went back to hostel with my friends not long after the exam finished. OUhh, i really missed my bed. haha. As i arrived home. I noticed that Midah was in a bad mood. I tried not to bother about it. But when she gave me her cold response, somehow I feel bad and emotionally effected. I wondered, did I annoyed and pissed her off? It was bothering my mind and I feel really bad about it. Assuming that It was me who was pissing her off, I tought it will be better if I get off from her sight for a while so that she'll get space to cool herself down.
With only bringing an atm card, contact lenses case ( in case I spent overnight somewhere ) and a phone in my pockets, I went out for some quite time alone just to get myself back in a good mindset. Without any proper plan on my mind nor directions, I just walked away.

The day was getting dark but still, I'm not thinking of going back nor seeing anybody. At a moment, I enjoyed being alone. To be frank, whatever happened on that day were not the only reason why I ran and seek for a quite time alone. But it is a long story which I don't think need to be mentioned and I really don't feel like i want to talk about it right now.
I know it is really dangerous for a young lady staying out alone at night. So, I tought it will be safer if i just stayed at Aiman's for a night as i don't feel of going back hostel. But instead of calling Aiman to take me back to his place, I dialled his number. Ermm, let's just called him MR. GOOD FRIEND.

We spent our whole night together sitting at the playground, chatting & talking about everything, Riding his bike around the neighbourhood, having a late night snack. I was having so much fun. He insisted to keep me company eventough he was sleepy and tired. I know, he was worried bout leaving me alone at the middle of the night in case something bad might happened to me. Ouhh, He's such a nice person :)
You know, when i looked at him, somehow I can see myself in him. We shared a lot things in common. Really. They way he think, they way he sees life just like me except, I am not as positive as he is. He is confident, straight-foward, independent and carefree. I personally feel that, he is the MALE VERSION of me and vice versa. For your info, We both were born under the same sign. Guess that explained the strong chemistry between us. And ouhh, he's good with words. Really good! Trust me. haha.
Speaking of the MALE VERSION of me, he is naughty and there is no doubt about it. Er, to make it brief, we ended up by flirting with each other. Yes. You heard me! OMG. I am horny! Well, I am not the kind of person who threw myself easily on guys. Really! Whoever started the err. err. ermm. tut. tut ( censored ) is still remain mystery. It's really funny though.

Yet, it wont changed the fact that we flirted.

He went back just before the sun arise. He wanted to sent me back to my hostel but I insisted to go on my own. Poor him, he must be really tired. Thanks to his good words and contagious-positive- character, I am feeling more positive and much better now. Thank you very much MR. GOOD FRIEND :)

Well, back to Midah, my assumption was wrong. In fact, I did scared her by not going back for the whole night. I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry.
And since I went out for the whole night, I skipped all my classes on the next friday. Shhh. Don't tell Encik Dasuki. hehe

BY THE WAY, DID I JUST RAN AWAY?

Joy.

2008-07-09T11:45:00.003+08:00

At last, they handed me my result :)
Well, I got CGPA 3.80. wuhuuuuuuu. Thank God! Aah. I am happy. Really happy.
As for Hamidah, my bestfriend, she got CGPA 3.85. Congrats to her.

Guess I should keep a hard work!

You Make Me Sweat.

2008-07-08T15:06:00.007+08:00

Damn. My heart is beating soo fast as it want to burst out of my chest.

Today, just like the other day, i woke up early in the morning. Took a bath. And get ready for classes as my first class started at 7.30 am. Ouhh, not forgetting, breakfast.
As for my first class, DISPENSING ( one of pharmacy's subject ) ended at 9.30 am. Then I have to wait for few hours before the next class ( PHARMACOLOGY, it's such an interesting subject but the lecturer is so damn boring and freaking nerd too. Except he got a nice body. A really nice one. grrr ) which is at 12.00 pm till 2.00 pm.
Actually, there is another CHEMISTRY class ( in between DISPENSING and PHARMACOLOGY's classes ) but since the lecturer has quit ( he has gone back to his hometown, India ), all of 3 groups of pharmacy which including mine, will not having any chemistry classes until the new lecturer come. Well, not really a new one. Now, isn't it such a good news for me? Haha. No class means HEAVEN as I can go back to hostel and sleep for good :)

Aaah, i love my bed!

After class finished at 2 pm, I rushly went to the bus-stop and patiently waited for the bus to take me back ( All Masterskill college's students took bus to class as the campus and hostels are not at the same place. And of course Masterskill is the one who provided the bus facilities ). And here I am, sitting infront of my lappie. Checking e-mails. friendster and so on. Did i tell you that my result will be out within this week? Well, Ganesh, my group's leader said that we can get our result by this Friday. Haha. I am so excited and nervous too. Phewwhh. Wondering, how much did i score for my first semester? I must admit, I didn't give my very best as i studied on last-minute. Memorising facts. Lots of facts. Math's formulas and also on solving numbers. All in LAST-MINUTE. By the way, Last-minute thinggy is really me. Bad student. Bad. Bad.

To make it brief, suddenly I heard someone's knocking on our door and she was looking for pharmacy's students. yeap. That is me. In my house, there are 3 pharmacy's students including me. Other two are Midah ( bff. aah. i love her ) and fenny. Three of us also belong to the same group of pharmacy which is Group 1. Ouhh, the one whose knocking was Ima, my group's assistant. She came to told us that today, all pharmacy's students are required to be at college at 7 pm to take our result. Our semester one's result! Apuuhh. suddenly i feel like my chest is about to burst. My heart beat faster. faster and faster.

I feel so fuckin' NERVOUSSS and excited too. I am sweating babe. haha ':D

You make me sweat!

NEW CHAPTER

2008-07-07T19:11:00.007+08:00

yeaaa. I got myself a new blog :)

For your info, I already have a blog. Not one but TWO baby. haha. But i deleted it because I wanted to start a new one with A NEW CHAPTER of mine.

But before I started, I would love to tell you guys that my grammar suxx. I must admit, it is really SUX man. I can't even used the past-tense or present-tense in a proper way. Ngaaa~
Still, i prefer writing in english. Yeah, you guys can laugh at my lousy grammar. Don't worry, I am not gonna mad anyway. See, I am such a nice person with a nice body too. hoho >:D
I think I should read more books. More magazines. Yupp, I should read more as it will help me to improve my grammar.

Just so you know, do ignore it aite.

As a starting, I'd would love to write a brief about myself.
Due to my bad result in matriculation, i am unable to pursue my degree level in pharmacy. Actually i did got an offer from UTEM to do degree but i rejected it. They offered me to do managing in err.. I forgot ( which I am not interested at all ). haha.
Back in my matriculation's year, I was so busy with other stuff and I've neglected my studies. In fact, I dont even care to STUDY at all. Bad huh? yeah. I knoww. I skipped classes. I break the rules. I did lot of bad stuff which i don't think need to be mentioned.
So, here I am. Starting everything from the beginning. If u asked me, did i ever feel regret for not doing well in matriculation? My answer is NO. I didn't regret it at all.
Yet, i feel satisfied. Yeah, you heard me! I've gained so much experiences back then and I learnt a lot too :)
Currently, I am taking Diploma in Pharmacy in Masterskill, College of Nursing and Health. Since I was in secondary school, I've always wanted to do pharmacy. I loved this field so much. Dealing with drugs, isn't it cool?

Don't worry, I'm not going to take my studies for granted this time.

Er, actually I'm still skipping classes. You know, almost everyday my classes started at 7.30 am. Can you imagined how sleepy i was? Instead of attending class, I just ignored the alarm clock and get back to sleep. haha. Aah, sleeping is HEAVEN.
About last-minute study, urmm, I'm still doing it. I just can't help it. LOL.
But there is nothing to be worried about as I'm not planning to play around just like i did before. I will give my best. THAT IS MY PROMISE. I don't want to let my parents down for the second time. They have given me so much. So, I must and I will do better this time.

By the way, my semester one's result will be out within this week
( cis, pukimak btul. lambat nya kluar. Other Uni already got their result )

I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR THE RESULT :)

p/s : wished me luck aite.